Bewildered

I have been meaning to write for quite some time....actually since I last wrote.

My birthday was on March 10th and my beloved gave me some wonderful gifts and took me to a spa.  I always thoughts that spas were nasty and told myself and others that I would never go to one.  Well, surprise...there I was.  I had a feeling that he was taking me to a spa but I was not sure.

We go there pretty late but it did not matter because it is 24 hours.  Quite frankly, it was a pretty nice spot.  We were one of few black "couples" there but that really did not matter much.

I always thought that spas were just absolutely disgusting, but I am so happy that I was open to this experience because it completely changed the way I think and look at things I never experienced before.

Before we got to the spa, he and I had a heart to heart conversation.....while we were talking, I got the message that I really need to let go of the thing I am holding onto regarding him having spiritually sexual experience with other women.  It was very interesting because he shared with me that he got some messages before he came over and one of them was to give me time to work this all out, be patient with me and show me that what we share is true and real.  It was a surreal moment for both of us as our messages connected with each other in such a way to complete a picture.  He...being patient with me while I heal.......we come back together in Divine Unity and Harmony.

Well..........today, it does not feel like this message was even received.

Since my birthday and I last wrote, he has experiences some powerfully moving growth and so have I...the only difference is our focus.  He focuses on him and I focus on US. 

We decided to be open, honest, compassionate and loving when we communicate with each other but the things that he wants are hurtful to me and I do not want them.  I expressed this to him often and this is exactly what the messages we have been receiving are about.....he wants to fuck other women in the name of gaining some spiritual experience from it...........I feel like if he loves me and is in love with me like he says he is, he tells me we are going to be together........how is it that he does not see that there could possibly be something twisted and dark in what he wants?  Is it just me or do you see it too?

How can you be on this "spiritual" journey and say that you know you have a special connection with someone, you love and are in love with someone, you know you are going to be with someone, but in the same breath say that you wanna fuck other women?  Am I being the "typical woman" when I look at this situation right here?  Please help me out with this one because I am dying up here!

Listen, I am open to hearing and even integrating new positive ideas, energies,  etc....but I am not sure that this idea he has is one of the ones for me. 

Ok, let us get this straight....I go back and forth in my heart, mind, body and soul about this.  Will I be able to handle the fact that he is fucking someone else he has a spiritual connection to? I really sit with myself and think about it...........I want to be able to be ok with it, but I am not and I am not on any level.

I have gotten the message from my Guides to just let him be so he can have all of the experiences he wants to have and let him learn his lessons and figure out what he needs from them.  I was told to just leave him alone and take back my energy so that he can experience life without the comfort of knowing that I am always in the background.....holding space for his return.  Leave him alone, on all levels of our beings, so that he can realize that what he is searching for is in him and because we are soul compliments, it is in me as well. 

I am tire of this shit..........

I asked him if the messages he received are from Divine beings...........no answer.  I really think and feel like we are at war ladies.......we are at war and the dark forces are coming after our men because they do not want us to succeed in our mission to ourselves and humanity.

Listen here.........I really don't care what any of you say or think about this.......because I know that this is the truth (well at least for my twin flame situation)!

My beloved is being surrounded by dark energy that is tempting him, teasing him, enticing him, putting fucked up messages and ideas in his head that are pleasure based to make him stray from his mission. Yes, I said it............They are distracting him, putting fucked up thoughts in his head...the dark forces get to our beloveds through sex, power and money...all of the things that a man wants.....but does not really NEED!  They got to mine....putting this thought in his head, making him question what his heart is telling him....

They know that our beloveds are easily led astray, easily distracted and turned around.  It makes me so sad...sad because they don't even realize what is happening....

I can tell you this........rest assured.......the dark forces will not win....we need both dark and light in order to be complete. 

If we continue to be open, observant, compassionate and honest with ourselves about what we, see, feel and know is happening to our beloved masculines, we empower ourselves to do something about it!

We must remember that how they play out the twisted messages they are receiving is just an illusion... we must remember that it is not real. 

Allow them the space and time they need to sort it out for themselves, know that the Universe will not allow them to succumb to their demise.  Course correction will happen and if our beloveds do not snap out of this shit and work towards the mission, the Universe will bring you someone who will!

I am so fucking pissed and bewildered!!!!

What is his thought pattern? This shit makes no sense to me........I am really trying have overstand this shit right here. 

Does he even know that sex is one of the most powerful and sacred gifts we were given.  If we are connected, like we both believe we are, why would he risk absorbing someone elses shit from fucking them and then bring it back to me? How would this help?

You know what? I am just going to leave him alone..............I can't take this shit, I am tired of this shit, I am tired of feeling like this connection (or I) am not worthy to be honor and explored, I am tired of feeling like I give more to him than he gives to our connection.....

I'm done..................welllllllllllllll..........I will be done after I fuck him a few more times!!!!!!!!!!!!!