I have been meaning to write to you...…...I had to take some time to really get my shit together.
So......my twin flame came back from Peru and wanted to talk to me. We agreed that he would come by my place on Wednesday, August 28th at 7:30 pm. In fact, we did not get to talk until a little after 11 pm. Reason being, he had a conference call at 8:30 pm he forgot about and it did not finish until a little after 11 pm.
I decided that since I waited all of this time, why not just be a little more patient.
When I finally got to his car, he was talking to a female asking her if she is going to be up because he is going to call her back and he will not be too long. Just more outright disrespect.
So, I got in his car and looked at my phone, it was 11:11 pm....wicked tricks being played on me. He asked me if he has to tell me that he loves me and that he will always love me, I told him that he does not have to tell me because I do not believe him (or anything that he says or ever said). He goes on to tell me that he had such a powerful experience while he was in the jungle in Peru and he does not believe that we are twin flames, he thinks we are soul mates. He said that there are others he vibrates better with and we do not vibrate on the same level. He went on and on to explain to me that he does not want to hurt me and that it hurts him to hurt me, he told me that all of the things that he said to me in the past were not true and he said them because he is a people pleasure and his Pisces is in Venus...he said all of those things to me because he was in "the moment". I asked him about him receiving the message that I am his "Eve" and his reply was that "Eve is considered the downfall of man!" He asked me what I would say if he told me he is going to be traveling with Victoria in 6 months.....I am tired of this back and forth with him...….in one instance him acknowledging me secretly.....saying that he feels the same way I do and believes and in the next breath he tells me that everything is a lie. The strange thing is ………..he has not felt the same since he went to California with the Tony Robins thing...……….
I am so hurt...……...and then to add insult to injury......He told me that he thinks we should release each other...……..but in the same breath he tells me that he would be where and who he is today with out me and he cherishes me...…….how? How could that be possible if he can just through we away so easily. He even suggested that we never speak to each other again! Wow!
Part of me thinks that he got a message that someone else is his twin flame.....he even told me that he was talking to someone about twin flames and they ran an idea to him that we don't really know what twin flames are all about and we can have more than one...….A bigger part of me feels like he is running from me because he knows dealing with me is not going to be easy for him. Another part of me feels like this is not even him anymore...……..like the dark forces have a hold of him and he is lost.
I told him how I felt, how his actions hurt me, how he has no respect for me...……...smfh I just ………...i'm just really hurt.....searching within myself for the answers.
I know this is happening to protect me but it hurts so fucking bad...….I know that he and I share a scared connection and no matter what he says.....I feel it in my heart and soul. How can he diminish me the way he has? All of the things he said he was not ever going to do to me he did...…….all of my fears came true when we spoke.
I sit here at my desk at work typing this out trying to be clear about what I am feeling, allowing the emotions and memories of him to run through me without attaching my ego to this experience. This is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced...….this is even harder than when he did this before to me.
I received the message that this time around......it will not take too long for me to process everything …...he (Nafis, using real names now!) will return, (because he knows I am his home) and when he does, I will still love him and be in love with him (that will never change), but I may not be willing to have anything to do with him any longer.....not just because of this, but because...……...he will still not be him...…...I don't know...….I really need some help with this one...…….I really need some help!
I do know that I love him, I do know that he loves me, I know that he is not himself and he is confused, I know he will come back to me...………..I feel so empty, lost and abandoned, betrayed, trick, fooled and stupid, used and discarded, worthless and unloved...……….I really need some help!
Please help me to walk away from him...……..please help me find the strength to move through this part of my journey and heal...…….PLEASE HELP ME!
