“Energy Portals” are openings/gateways/bridges/doorways form one place to another (or dimension/world/plane). When energy portals open, we have the opportunity (through the least effort on our part) to connect more readily with Universal energy and receive Divine/Universal information. Different types of information and energy come through portals, such as revelations, Divine energy (healing), Collective unconscious and conscious energy (hope, fear, dreams, loss, etc.), downloads, upgrades, activations.
On 12/12 not only will we be in the energy of The Full Moon in Gemini, we will also be smack dab in the 12:12 Energy Portal. So lemme give you so information about all of this so that you can actively work with this energy.
12 carries the energetic and vibrational qualities of the numbers 1 and
2. So let’s break down the energies of12.
1 resonates with new beginnings, motivation, progress, achievement and attainment, creation, courage, self-leadership.
2 resonates with balance, harmony, co-operation, partnership, relationship, trust, faith, selflessness, divine life purpose and soul mission.
Energetically/vibrationally 12 represents cycles of making our way back to higher consciousness, source conscious, divine conscious….Union with Source. 12 is a call for us to work harmoniously with our Higher selves, to create/regenerate Higher consciousness, knowledge and higher wisdom.
12:12 carries the energies of 12 but amplified.
12:12 is an energetic message asking us to step out of our comfort zone, release our fears and let go of our pains dealing with our past so we can make room to live our divine life’s purpose, the ending of a cycle and the beginning of an upgrade.
This year is a ’12’ year (add 2019) that blesses us with an amplified 12:12:12 Gateway.
12 is deeply associated with Pisces, the last sign of the zodiac, represented by the number12. The energetic/metaphysical qualities of Pisces deal with intuition, unparalleled access to the collective unconscious, bridge between seen and unseen, etc. Pisces is ruled by Neptune: Ruler of the12house - Unification, transcending ego – the urge to escape limitations – the need to merge into oneness – observe ego from outside – consciousness itself – mystical, compassionate, visionary – very sensitive and vulnerable – mirages, dreams, illusions – transcend ego while still functioning as a personality – artistic inspiration, oneness with the whole, spirituality, compassion, living an ideal, etc.
12th House – is where we go for emotional and soul learning – where awareness is gained through loneliness and deep suffering, where selfless service or devotion to a higher ideal is made. The 12th house is where we find soul peace thru surrender to a higher unity, devotion to a transcendent ideal and freedom from past thoughts and actions.
Ego death, self-transcendence; freedom from worry – spiritual and psychic experiences – meditation; sense of God, higher levels of consciousness are also experienced in the 12th house.
Let’s try to expand our minds and open up to another take on the 12:12:12Gateway.
Our junk DNA is said to be the 12-strand holographic version of DNA. It contains encoded messages that simply need to be triggered to help us sustain unimaginable states of euphoric communion with God and our Higher Selves. It is thought that during certain planetary and cosmic cycles, this DNA or the holographic computer receives messages that are directed specifically at our operating system. This causes us to spontaneously evolve as human beings into our original state as spiritual beings. Going back to instead of being born, because the change is already encoded in our DNA.
On 12:12:12 not only will the cosmic portal open throughout the galaxy to give us access to higher dimensional realms of consciousness, but this portal has the potential to activate all 12 strand of our DNA…..bringing us back to our original Divine Blueprint, helping us to crystalize our soul’s ascension life plan.
Let’s think about all of the things associated with 12…….12 planets, 12 signs, 12 disciples, 12 strand DNA, 12 Chakra System, 12 months in a year, 12 inches in a foot, 1 dozen makes 12, 12 hours in the face of an analogue clock, 12 pairs of ribs in the human body, 12 men walked on the Earth’s moon, etc.
Let’s take this a step further………
12 breaks down to 3……….
Number 3 carries the vibrations of communication and self-expression, adventure, inspiration and creativity, optimism and joy, spontaneity and enthusiasm. Number 3 also symbolizes the principle of increase and growth, expansion and abundance on the mental, emotional, financial and spiritual levels. Number 3 is the number of manifesting and manifestation and carries the vibration of the Ascended Masters. The Ascended Masters help you to focus on the Divine spark within yourself.
Angel Number 3 is an indication that your angels are trying to get your attention. The angels and Ascended Masters want you to follow your intuition and inner-wisdom so that you are able to take appropriate action/s at this time. Use your creative skills and abilities to manifest your desires and enhance your life and that of others. The angels encourage you to follow your life path and soul mission with optimism and enthusiasm.
3 is connected to the Trinity, Christ Consciousness, Christed Divinity.
Christ consciousness is the state of awareness of our true nature, our higher self, and our birthright as children of God…it is the highest state of intellectual development, emotional balance and spiritual maturity and is sometimes termed the “Christed” state. Jesus achieved this in his human life.
Yes, exactly.
The 12:12:12 gateway is a beautiful invitation for us to align with, harmonize, remember, activate, reactivate our 12 chakra system, Christ consciousness and wake up our dormant DNA.
This Cosmic Gateway opens between 12:12 and closes on 12:21. 12:12 is a sacred symbol and Ascension code that represents rapid spiritual growth as an Infinite Being.
The angelic number sequence of 12:12 is a divine message that you are on the cusp of significant change. While the gateway is open, the Angels are supporting you in manifesting your dreams, goals and finding your divine mission.
12:12 - 12:21 Gateway will open to the Great Central Sun at the Galactic Core, 12:12the sacred day of attunement with all 12 dimensions of our Universe. On this day the cosmic portal opens throughout the galaxy for access to higher dimensional realms of consciousness and the activation of divine human crystalline 12 strands of DNA.
Human DNA uses photon light as a feedback system of communication through energy waves which encode and transfer information. During the 12:12 through 12:21 Gateway, the zero point field at the Galactic Center enables molecules to speak to each other non-locally and virtually instantaneously, in oscillating frequencies through entanglement. Don’t miss this extraordinary moment to crystalize your Soul’s Ascension Life Plan.
What What??????
Yes Family.........this is amazing. We are being ushered back into our original state as spiritual beings.
If you have been experiencing more challenges, drama, loss, etc. this year.....this is the reason why Fam. We can not take garbage with us where we are going!
I have been meaning to write to you...…...I had to take some time to really get my shit together.
So......my twin flame came back from Peru and wanted to talk to me. We agreed that he would come by my place on Wednesday, August 28th at 7:30 pm. In fact, we did not get to talk until a little after 11 pm. Reason being, he had a conference call at 8:30 pm he forgot about and it did not finish until a little after 11 pm.
I decided that since I waited all of this time, why not just be a little more patient.
When I finally got to his car, he was talking to a female asking her if she is going to be up because he is going to call her back and he will not be too long. Just more outright disrespect.
So, I got in his car and looked at my phone, it was 11:11 pm....wicked tricks being played on me. He asked me if he has to tell me that he loves me and that he will always love me, I told him that he does not have to tell me because I do not believe him (or anything that he says or ever said). He goes on to tell me that he had such a powerful experience while he was in the jungle in Peru and he does not believe that we are twin flames, he thinks we are soul mates. He said that there are others he vibrates better with and we do not vibrate on the same level. He went on and on to explain to me that he does not want to hurt me and that it hurts him to hurt me, he told me that all of the things that he said to me in the past were not true and he said them because he is a people pleasure and his Pisces is in Venus...he said all of those things to me because he was in "the moment". I asked him about him receiving the message that I am his "Eve" and his reply was that "Eve is considered the downfall of man!" He asked me what I would say if he told me he is going to be traveling with Victoria in 6 months.....I am tired of this back and forth with him...….in one instance him acknowledging me secretly.....saying that he feels the same way I do and believes and in the next breath he tells me that everything is a lie. The strange thing is ………..he has not felt the same since he went to California with the Tony Robins thing...……….
I am so hurt...……...and then to add insult to injury......He told me that he thinks we should release each other...……..but in the same breath he tells me that he would be where and who he is today with out me and he cherishes me...…….how? How could that be possible if he can just through we away so easily. He even suggested that we never speak to each other again! Wow!
Part of me thinks that he got a message that someone else is his twin flame.....he even told me that he was talking to someone about twin flames and they ran an idea to him that we don't really know what twin flames are all about and we can have more than one...….A bigger part of me feels like he is running from me because he knows dealing with me is not going to be easy for him. Another part of me feels like this is not even him anymore...……..like the dark forces have a hold of him and he is lost.
I told him how I felt, how his actions hurt me, how he has no respect for me...……...smfh I just ………...i'm just really hurt.....searching within myself for the answers.
I know this is happening to protect me but it hurts so fucking bad...….I know that he and I share a scared connection and no matter what he says.....I feel it in my heart and soul. How can he diminish me the way he has? All of the things he said he was not ever going to do to me he did...…….all of my fears came true when we spoke.
I sit here at my desk at work typing this out trying to be clear about what I am feeling, allowing the emotions and memories of him to run through me without attaching my ego to this experience. This is one of the hardest things I have ever experienced...….this is even harder than when he did this before to me.
I received the message that this time around......it will not take too long for me to process everything …...he (Nafis, using real names now!) will return, (because he knows I am his home) and when he does, I will still love him and be in love with him (that will never change), but I may not be willing to have anything to do with him any longer.....not just because of this, but because...……...he will still not be him...…...I don't know...….I really need some help with this one...…….I really need some help!
I do know that I love him, I do know that he loves me, I know that he is not himself and he is confused, I know he will come back to me...………..I feel so empty, lost and abandoned, betrayed, trick, fooled and stupid, used and discarded, worthless and unloved...……….I really need some help!
Please help me to walk away from him...……..please help me find the strength to move through this part of my journey and heal...…….PLEASE HELP ME!
I allowed myself to be overcome with my lowest, most primal emotions.......
With regards to my "twin flame"...........
I allowed myself to become more than anger and upset, I was filled with hatred and wished him death! I reread two posts he put up on Instagram about gifts I gave him for his birthday. He did not even acknowledge me or mention my name in the posts. He simply said that "spirit" will give you what you ask for and "someone very dear to his heart" gave him the gifts. WOW! He has never acknowledged me publicly....never. Even in my other blog, "The Life and Times of Juicah Jones" (https://lifeandtimesofjuicahjones.blogspot.com/), he never acknowledged me either. I was always his dirty little secret....the secret that he always came to when he needed love, compassion, the greatest fuck of a lifetime or anything else that he was searching for but could only find with me. Why should now be any different? Like I always say, "Niggas don't change!" and that is the fucking truth! Not even the one you think is your "Divine Masculine".
I became infuriated with this and I sent him a message, text message and voice message telling him that I needed the money back he owes me NOW because I have an emergency. This mother fucker writes me back over 4 hours later, not even asking me if I am ok or what is wrong. He tells me that he is sorry that things have escalated and he has not been able to pay me the money because he used everything he had to go to his Peru trip and he does not get paid until the 21st. WHAT?
Now, when he needed the money, I did everything in my fucking power to get it to him to help him and he was experiencing an emergency as well. The money I lent him was used to pay off the parking violations his wife accrued on his car and if they were not paid off, he would not be able to work driving Lyft or Uber. His license would probably have been revoked and he would have had to pay more money just to get it back in good standing. So now that I am in a crunch, he can't even pay me back the money he owes me, or borrow from someone else to even help me out a little. What a selfish irresponsible fuck? I can't believe this. You mean to tell me that this fucking bastard only thinks about himself to the point that he borrows money from me and does not pay me back because he uses the money he should have paid me back with to go to Peru? Why am I so surprised when he did the same thing in May when he went downsouth to fuck someone from his passed instead of paying me back the money he owed me. SMMFH! I bet he didn't even think twice about me needing the money and he went right back to doing what ever the fuck he is doing in Peru as if I never even text him!
Why? Because I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THE WORDS THAT HE SAID TO ME ABOUT HOW MUCH HE CHERISHES ME, HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME AND IS IN LOVE WITH ME were true. But that just goes to show you, PAY ATTENTION TO HOW PEOPLE TREAT YOU, NOT THE HOT AIR THAT COMES OUT OF THEIR MOUTH!
I am fucking hot..............I can't even find words to really express how hurt I feel................mother fucker selfish bastard! Yes, I am a spiritual being, lol but I am fucking pissed. I want him to...............grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......This hurts me to my fucking core......so bad I cried all the way home!
Here I go again!
This is the last time. I have had to try my hardest not to continuously wish him pain and death!
I really don't think I am going to ever speak with him again after this. He really showed me that he give 0 fucks about me..............AT ALL.........ON ANY LEVEL!
The real question is..........Do I give any fucks about me? If I do, I will eliminate him from the equation of my life! Let's see where this goes!
I am really starting to see things for what they really are and I am tired of protecting you and trying to save you from........the inevitable!
So, it has been some time since I last wrote to you bff...that is because I was trying to get my shit together so I would not hurt my so called Twin Flame in any way by sharing his fucked up treatment of me. I am really tired of this shit........the shit of not sharing. WHY? Because my pain, challenges and experiences can really and truly help someone else in the most profound way. After all, one of my mottos is "If I did it, I will admit it!" Too bad other people don't live by the same motto! Instead they live trying to act like they live their lives for the greater good of all, but in reality they are living a very selfish life in which they use the ones closest to them. Yes, !@%$#^@#% 9 (I want to call your name out so bad so everyone can know who you are) I am talking about you and how you have mistaken my kindness for weakness...."Lord, he does not know what he has done!"
Anyway, if we are here to share, learn and experience things, it is time for me to stop saving his face.......
Again.....I allowed some fucked up shit to happen to me.......I allowed him to come back in and do some even more fucked up shit to me.........taking my kindness for granted.......using me.....taking my money to go fuck someone who gave him a spiritual demon!!! SMMFH! I really wonder why I even let him back in.........but the fact of the matter is........that is the past and once again I am in a situation where my feeling are hurt and he is out living his life............acting like I don't matter. Now, he tells me some bullshit.........bullshit like, "I wouldn't know where I would be without you" and shit like that...........who the fuck wants to hear anything like that if your actions don't match it. So fucking tire of going through this shit with him! And to make matters worse, it is not even him, it is me. If I did not compromise my integrity........I wouldn't be where I am now.....but then again! All things for our growth and betterment. So, Beloved (I am only using this word because I don't want to say your real name), I forgive you, because I know you don't know what you are doing and it is not my place to hold on to all of this pain that I feel because of your mistreatment of me. I have faith and know that God got me! So I give it all to Mother/Father Goddess/God........yes, I forgive you and you have taught me too! Taught me to NEVER COMPROMISE MY INTEGRITY again!
"No matter how our paths may unfold" (some bullshit he wrote me in a text he sent me yesterday). I hope you read this! Let's see if you have the fucking courage to say something to me about this or anything else! Knowing you, you probably will say some shit to me, but then again, what can you say, I have been nothing but kind, gracious, compassionate and loving towards you IN ALL OF YOUR TIMES OF NEED (which ironically are all of the times you have come to me with sugar coated words and proclamations of "being in love with me and loving me", proclamations that "We are going to be together")....can you say the same? Have I ever come to you and used you to get what I needed, to get money from you to go fuck some dude from my past or pay off my ex-husband's debt he accrued under my name or any other underhanded why you got over on me? What a spiritual path you are walking, lol!!!
I still forgive you, cause you sure ain't worth none of my energy any more! So much for Twin Flame connections, or any connection with you for that matter....lol!
Love you!
Lord, please forgive him, for he knows not what he had done!
SMFH as I sit here thinking about where to even begin with this fuckery..........
I knew I had to leave my beloved alone, but what I did not know is that I would have to sacrifice him for my health and wellbeing.
At the end of April, this mother fucker told me, after I paid his ex-wife's $810 parking tickets off for him so he could be able to drive and make extra money, that he was going away to FUCK someone from his past. Let me get myself positioned in my chair correctly so that I can type this out to you.........YES, you read correctly and I did not type it wrong..........I PAID HIS EX-WIFE'S $810 PARKING TICKETS OFF SO HE COULD CONTINUE TO DRIVE AND MAKE EXTRA MONEY AND HE WAS ABLE TO TRAVEL TO ANOTHER STATE TO VISIT SOMEONE FROM HIS PAST THAT HE FELT HE NEEDED TO FUCK BECAUSE IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIS SPRITITUAL GROWTH!
So, let me rewind because I was really trying to be nice and save face!
My beloved received a message (from a "Spirit" he never bothered to ask if it was Divine or of the Light) that he is to be shared. So he kept telling me that he is "open" to having spiritually sexual connections with other women......all the while telling me that he loves me and he is in love with me. It just did not make sense to me on any level and when we would talk about this, I would always, I mean always feel like I was dying inside. How in the fuck does he think it is ok to spread himself thin, share his sexual energy with others and then come back to me to do our Divine work? Mind you, WE ARE FUCKING! Where the fuck does his message play out? Ohh, I know where it plays out, in the 3d cause that shit does not rock in any other dimension!
So, right after I paid his ex-wife's shit off FOR HIM! this mother fucker has money to travel to fuck??????? Am I being used? Am I a fucking fool? Yeah, this must be how he sees me!!!
I fucking flipped.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How can you love me, be in love with me, tell me that we are going to be together and then tell me that you are going to travel to fuck someone from your past that you HAD a connection with and over the years you both lost contact because of life, but now that you are divorced you feel the need to go rekindle what you had because it is very rare that people that knew each other when they were young to communicate with each other and have a connection when they are older... he told me that it does not take anything away from how he feels about me and who I am to him, but he feels like this "connection" he has with this woman is worth nurturing. Now, mind you, he may not have used those exact words but you get the fucking point!
(My head flipping back and me taking a huge breath as I type this, don't worry Fam, I am going to make a vlog of this...it may not be as animated as my writing, but I must share the message! Ohh, here is the link to my youtube channel if you want to connect with me there as well https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGJWbqAgFNSXHInSqY8Fl_Q! and here is the link to the vlog for this blog, lol!)
Is this shit real? Am I really experiencing this after every single fucking thing I have been through with him?
Do I see this clearly? Is he making sure that his "connections" with others is tight and secure but could give 0 fucks about the "connection" we have? Does he think I will always be around?
Yeah, Ok L, it is painfully obvious that he does not see, overstand, feel nor has he received "messages" about what he and I share! It is so painful that I still don't get the fucking message....STILL!
WOW! SMMFH Shaking my head so much my neck is hurting and I have to start physical therapy again!
So, all of this right before Ramadan (he is Muslim)...yes of course.....He has to get his fuck in before the most holy time of his religion. Typical fucking 3d egotistical prick! Yes, I hope you fucking read this cause I lost ALL RESPECT FOR YOUR DUMB ASS!
Where is the divinity in anything that you are doing? Ohhh, Oh I almost forgot...........the weekend we had the conversation about him going away was the same weekend he attended a spiritual pajama party where he took mushrooms with a group of people who claim to be participating in a spiritual event.............IN THEIR FUCKING PAJAMAS.............come the fuck on....of course he did not tell me about this event until AFTER he came back!
You know what beloved, I take it back, you are not the dumb ass, I AM. I am the dumb ass for believing the words that came from your mouth.......I forget that you are an AIR SIGN and most of the shit you say has no weight. I TRUSTED AND BELIEVED YOU, I TRUSTED AND BELIEVED MYSELF....SHAME THE FUCK ON ME.. NOT YOU... YOU WERE AND ARE JUST DOING WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO WHO IS TRYING TO FIND THEIR WAY. I AIN'T MAD OR UPSET WITH YOU, I AM SIMPLY SHARING MY EXPERIENCE!
So Fam.....................can you see where this is, what this is and where this is going now? Can you imagine what the fuck is going through my head and what I am experiencing?
So before he left, I made it my business to tell him the messages I was receiving and I made sure that my messages were from the Divine and not my pussy, ego, head or a demon!
I have been getting messages about him for a very long time.... very very long time and I see some of the stuff that the messages are saying play out with him in my REAL LIFE!
With regards to the "message" that he receive about creating a community and in this community, he would have more than one mate, but I would be the number 1....that shit sounds like some sister wife shit. Fam, because I love this man with my soul, I actually tried to work my soul into being down with this idea of his "community", but my soul always rejected it and questioned him as to who gave him this message. Never got an answer!
So.....when he told me about the fact that he was open to having these sexual spiritual connections with other women, my soul rejected that shit too. How in the good FUCK can you know you are a twin flame, admit that you share something different and special with me and really think that it is ok to do some shit like that and claim to love me, be in love with me and damn near scream at me that we are going to be together. I keep bringing this shit up because these are the things that he said that are contradictory of his actions and his 'intent', as he always tells me!
Stop this shit L.
So, I told him, before he left, with fire in my energy, that he needs to watch his fucking back because he is involved in some CULT shit, he needs not to turn to others for guidance and answers anymore because he is opening himself up to lower vibrating energy that is making him think that he should share his sexual energy with others because he had a connection with them in the past. I told him that he needs to be more discerning with who he is around and who he shares himself with, that not all people have his best interest at heart and that because he is new to all that he is experiencing and his spiritual journey....he needs to sit with himself and perhaps do some research (reading books, meditation, self reflection, connecting with his Higher Self, guides and Ancestors, etc.). I even went so far as to tell him that he should not be fucking around, especially if he is on a spiritual path and claims to know who I am to him and want to do work with me and work on our mission.
Nothing I said made a difference because he was not at the point of being able to really take in the messages. So he went off on the fuckville trip (even told me the chicks name, smmfh)!
While he was on the trip the messages and visions that I had were so very hurtful. Fam.....have you ever been hurt by someone's actions... I mean hurt so bad that you actually had pains in your chest and body? This is what I experience when his actions do not coincide with his so called "intent". Let me explain.............he is always telling me that he does not "intend" to hurt me, but his actions are the complete opposite of what he "intends" do to! Does not make sense to me but then again, who I am?...(must be some fucking idiot for dealing with him)
So, I sat with every single thing that came to me......I sat in that deep shit........I cried and cried, I asked for help and clarity, I even asked that the telepathy between us be diminished so that I would not be hurt by the fact that he was doing low vibration things with other people.....and I mean LOW vibrationally root chakra sexual satisfaction type of things!
I saw the visions, I felt him having sex, but all the while I also heard and felt a part of him asking himself "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
I did my best to take back my power, I can't believe that I actually gave him some of my Sekhmet fire!
I completely disrespected who I am and all I believe in and for that.........I AM THE FUCKING DUMB ASS!
Now, we had the conversation about his going away on the morning of Monday, April 28th (and that was some disrespectful shit because he did not come to my house until after 1 which should have been another sign of his complete disrespect for me and my time, but L, we must also bare in mind that you welcomed him in your house (life and heart without condition.....5D!)
I do not know what day he left, but I got the messages that entire week. On the weekend of May 4th (my father's bday), I got some new messages about what his life would be like if he continued to follow his "messages". It was not good Fam. I saw him basically living as a bum, even though he had a job, he had all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases and demons and all. In my vision, he was fat, not eating right, not doing anything to grow in his life or on his spiritual journey......it was very sad.
Then I started to get angry...........and I got so angry that I went numb and in my numbness I found tranquil Divine peace. I sat in that peace, lay in that peace, allowed that peace to envelop me and when I finally surrendered, I received a phone call from him. I listened to the message and he said he knows I probably do not want to talk to him but he NEEDS to speak to me, so I called him back.
He tells me that he did mushrooms (on Saturday, May 4th) and got basically the same messages I have been telling him about sharing his energy, sharing himself and being more discerning. He admitted that he does not need to reconnect with those from his past because he does not know where they have been or what their intentions are. He admitted that he is giving his power away by turning to others to get the answers to his questions and that he should sit with himself to figure all of this shit out. Next thing he told me makes me roll my eyes and want to just really fuck him up.....Fam......he told me he receive a message that I am his EVE! That's right Fam.........take a breath, walk away and come back some other time........Yeah, I am his "Eve", like Eve from the Garden of Eden! Go figure!
If I am his Eve...you know what I am not even going to go there............
This is the fact of the matter Fam.........to this day....he still has not given me back the money......and all of this time...I mean all of this time since I started writing my previous blog........that I HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTING MYSELF AND THE GOD KNOW IS REAL!
This morning as I am getting ready for work, trying not to be upset because I text him last night asking him when he would be able to give me back the money for his ex-wife's parking tickets and he told me next week.......saying that he knows he owes me money and it was his intent to give it back to me a long time ago....there we go with the "intent" shit again, I start to get more Divine messages and guidance.
Well.......I intended to show him and make him feel the love that I have for him and I put action behind my intent which led to me actually doing things to show him and help him feel the love I have for him.....Now, on the other hand, his 'intent' led to me feeling like a fucking fool and being disrespectful to myself and God! (I am so pissed right now, he did not even ask me how I was doing when he replied to my text 3 hours after I text him! I just want my fucking money and I am really going to leave him alone!! I still love him and not ONCE did I put a condition on my love for him, but that does not mean I have to stick around to experience the pain associated with his 'intention' or acting on his 'messages'!)
So here is the message I received this morning:
"L.......you aspire to live in 4D and up, however, you are still living and dealing with those who live in 3d. No matter how much you would like to live in 4D and up, the fact of the matter is you are not there yet, but you are working on it. You raise your vibration and move into 4D and up when you meditate, do yoga, pray, chant, etc, you get the ding dong picture...but because 3D is so dense and you are physically in 3D, it is a challenge to remain in the higher vibrating energies and dimensions. It is a challenge but it can be done...you just have to be extremely discipline, dedicated and focused....you were there before and you can go higher this time around!
You have been behaving like you are dealing with your beloved in the 4D and beyond, but in all reality, he is still actively living in 3D while trying to figure out what is going on with his life. Not only that, but because he is so heavily invested in the 3D (as most men are, because 3D is materialistic) what is happening is you are dealing with his Ego more than his Higher Self. This is why his 'intent' does not match his actions, L, lol. Do you get it now?
If you want to deal with him......seek him out in the 4D and beyond, connect with his Higher Self and stop dealing with the 3D him......this way, you will no longer experience the "fuckery", lol!
We know you love and respect us, so ACT LIKE IT! Stop fucking around with him right now......stop fucking yourself around.......reconnect with us and his Higher Self and start to do your work. You are so concerned about what he is doing and how it makes you feel you completely forgot about WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE AND WHY YOU CAME HERE! YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO NEED YOU AND THE GIFTS YOU HAVE TO OFFER TO HELP EMPOWER THEM....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? STOP DISRESPECTING US AND YOURSELF!"
Family.....this message came in so strong and clear....even though there are curses, I completely overstand that my guides are not being mean to me, they are communicating with me in the way they know I will receive their message.
It was surreal......as I am talking to all of them admitting my complete participation in all of this that I call my life..........apologizing for not following their guidance from last year when they told me to leave him alone before he reached out to me in October '18 and now for the disrespect I have been showing them and trying to blame him for being disrespectful.
Fam......let's get this straight..........yes, I do feel completely disrespected by him BUT.......I KNOW THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING IF I WERE NOT DISREPECTFUL TO GOD, MY GUIDES, MY TEAM AND MYSELF! I rant and rave, but in all actuality.......all of this is on me because I do not follow the Divine guidance I receive! (But all the while, he follows the guidance and messages he receives and you help him, lol)
This all boils down to the fact that I must "STOP DISRESPECTING GOD, MY GUIDES, MY TEAM AND MYSELF"........just because I have a Divine connection with my beloved does not mean I should love him so much that I disrespect (and allow him to disrespect) everything I know is true!
I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, why should I tolerate it from my beloved? Food for thought!
Today I am not feeling well......I feel a culmination of different emotions....stemming from past pains and.................last week.
Last Thursday, I have my review at work. It was better than I thought it would be...much better. I planned on asking for a raise if I did not receive the raise that would bring me up to a specific amount but I did not have to do anything but sit and listen to my supervisor. I had been thinking about how I was going to go about presenting me case for a raise but my Spirit Team and God helped me out! There you have it, Thank you!
Beloved came over that night and I thought I was ready until he asked for some snacks and I didn't have any. I wanted to do an exercise with him but he was sore from working out. I also wanted to celebrate my raise with him in more ways than one, but he wanted to meditate instead.............shit got me wondering!
No real kiss...didn't feel like a real hug. I get the feeling that he is distancing himself from me because he wants to have sex with someone else.
Now, fast forward to today..........I told him that I had something to share and wanted to celebrate and he only inquired about this once.........does this mean he does not care?
Then, this weekend, we don't really communicate that much....telling me the "boys" want to hang out on Saturday night.........all the while I am having visions of him fucking someone else.
No, he is not mine, not my man, no label placed on him, but that does not mean that I don't feel and see...that does not mean that I don't feel a connection to him.
Sometimes I really just don't want to do this shit anymore......shit is too complex....has me feeling like a fucking fool....waiting for this dude to run up and through women because he got a message that he is to be free...........he is for everyone...what kind of shit is this? Who is giving him these messages?
I asked my guides and team if I am part of his 'plan' and they said yes....
I asked my guides and my team if what he has said to me, all of the words of love and shit are true.......they said yes.
I asked my guides, team and his team if I should leave him alone and they said yes..............lol.
So today..........feeling fucked up because of the visions I have been getting of him fucking someone else this weekend, thinking about all of the hurtful things I have experienced regarding our connection, thinking of the fucked up ways I don't really get answers to my questions, thinking of what is really going on with him and why I keep allowing him to come in and out of my life.......I need to leave him alone.
I know that this journey is challenging........however, I don't want to have to deal with my challenges as well as someone else's challenges who's behave or lack there of makes me feel like I am only important when they need something from me, or want to share something, or want comfort, of the sweetest fuck!
FUCK THIS!
As much as this hurts me..............I really have to walk away.
I can't convince him or show him what my value is.........I have to show myself and value myself first!
So after yesterday's 'typical woman' rant, I have come to the conclusion that I must surrender and stop focusing on my beloved.
They say that the twinning energy is one of 'mirroring', so if my focus is on him, his focus is on him, lol. Makes sense but when you are all up in the mix, feeding off of the energy you feel when you are with your Beloved, you lose track of space and time. Nothing really makes....it is just you and them and you forget about all of your tools, your lessons, yourself, lol.
Last year, when I decided to just let all of this twin flame shit go, I had a feeling that as soon as I did, he would come back. That is exactly what happened....Why? Because I decided to focus on ME! So, naturally, energetically, emotionally, spiritually, etc., he felt the same and moved accordingly. This is not to say that the Universe did not also step in to move him in a drastic way. I guess both the Universe and I were just tired of waiting, lol. I guess that is how things go sometimes.
Today, I am in a different type of mood. Today, I realized that even though I get messages about our union and how it is going to be better than either of us could possibly imagine..........I realize that my job is to have faith in those messages and continue on my path no matter what he is doing!
What he does is not my business. But let me explain.....If I continue to worry about, think about, torture myself about what I think he is doing, I miss out on the things I should be doing and my growth. I miss out on strengthening my connection with my team, myself and the Universe....I basically miss out on the gift of life and my mission. No one is worth missing out on that stuff............NO ONE!
So, I have decided, that no matter how challenging this phase may become, no matter what is triggered for healing, no matter what comes up to the surface that I have to face.............I know that there is magic in me believing that one day, very very very soon, all will come to fruition and it will be better than you could ever imagine!
I believe in the messages I received about my beloved and I.
I believe in the vision I saw of my beloved and I at the gates of Heaven, holding hands, as the gates open in front of us to a party in celebration of our Divine Alchemical Union
I believe my beloved when he told me we will be together
I believe my beloved when he told me that he is in love with me
I believe the Divine is working towards our protection, union and fulfilment of our mission to humanity
I believe we will make it
I know all of the things I believe are real and true!!!
I feel them in my heart and soul!
My beliefs create my reality! I am a master manifestress!
