SMFH as I sit here thinking about where to even begin with this fuckery..........
I knew I had to leave my beloved alone, but what I did not know is that I would have to sacrifice him for my health and wellbeing.
At the end of April, this mother fucker told me, after I paid his ex-wife's $810 parking tickets off for him so he could be able to drive and make extra money, that he was going away to FUCK someone from his past. Let me get myself positioned in my chair correctly so that I can type this out to you.........YES, you read correctly and I did not type it wrong..........I PAID HIS EX-WIFE'S $810 PARKING TICKETS OFF SO HE COULD CONTINUE TO DRIVE AND MAKE EXTRA MONEY AND HE WAS ABLE TO TRAVEL TO ANOTHER STATE TO VISIT SOMEONE FROM HIS PAST THAT HE FELT HE NEEDED TO FUCK BECAUSE IT WOULD BE BENEFICIAL TO HIS SPRITITUAL GROWTH!
So, let me rewind because I was really trying to be nice and save face!
My beloved received a message (from a "Spirit" he never bothered to ask if it was Divine or of the Light) that he is to be shared. So he kept telling me that he is "open" to having spiritually sexual connections with other women......all the while telling me that he loves me and he is in love with me. It just did not make sense to me on any level and when we would talk about this, I would always, I mean always feel like I was dying inside. How in the fuck does he think it is ok to spread himself thin, share his sexual energy with others and then come back to me to do our Divine work? Mind you, WE ARE FUCKING! Where the fuck does his message play out? Ohh, I know where it plays out, in the 3d cause that shit does not rock in any other dimension!
So, right after I paid his ex-wife's shit off FOR HIM! this mother fucker has money to travel to fuck??????? Am I being used? Am I a fucking fool? Yeah, this must be how he sees me!!!
I fucking flipped.....ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How can you love me, be in love with me, tell me that we are going to be together and then tell me that you are going to travel to fuck someone from your past that you HAD a connection with and over the years you both lost contact because of life, but now that you are divorced you feel the need to go rekindle what you had because it is very rare that people that knew each other when they were young to communicate with each other and have a connection when they are older... he told me that it does not take anything away from how he feels about me and who I am to him, but he feels like this "connection" he has with this woman is worth nurturing. Now, mind you, he may not have used those exact words but you get the fucking point!
(My head flipping back and me taking a huge breath as I type this, don't worry Fam, I am going to make a vlog of this...it may not be as animated as my writing, but I must share the message! Ohh, here is the link to my youtube channel if you want to connect with me there as well https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCGJWbqAgFNSXHInSqY8Fl_Q! and here is the link to the vlog for this blog, lol!)
Is this shit real? Am I really experiencing this after every single fucking thing I have been through with him?
Do I see this clearly? Is he making sure that his "connections" with others is tight and secure but could give 0 fucks about the "connection" we have? Does he think I will always be around?
Yeah, Ok L, it is painfully obvious that he does not see, overstand, feel nor has he received "messages" about what he and I share! It is so painful that I still don't get the fucking message....STILL!
WOW! SMMFH Shaking my head so much my neck is hurting and I have to start physical therapy again!
So, all of this right before Ramadan (he is Muslim)...yes of course.....He has to get his fuck in before the most holy time of his religion. Typical fucking 3d egotistical prick! Yes, I hope you fucking read this cause I lost ALL RESPECT FOR YOUR DUMB ASS!
Where is the divinity in anything that you are doing? Ohhh, Oh I almost forgot...........the weekend we had the conversation about him going away was the same weekend he attended a spiritual pajama party where he took mushrooms with a group of people who claim to be participating in a spiritual event.............IN THEIR FUCKING PAJAMAS.............come the fuck on....of course he did not tell me about this event until AFTER he came back!
You know what beloved, I take it back, you are not the dumb ass, I AM. I am the dumb ass for believing the words that came from your mouth.......I forget that you are an AIR SIGN and most of the shit you say has no weight. I TRUSTED AND BELIEVED YOU, I TRUSTED AND BELIEVED MYSELF....SHAME THE FUCK ON ME.. NOT YOU... YOU WERE AND ARE JUST DOING WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO WHO IS TRYING TO FIND THEIR WAY. I AIN'T MAD OR UPSET WITH YOU, I AM SIMPLY SHARING MY EXPERIENCE!
So Fam.....................can you see where this is, what this is and where this is going now? Can you imagine what the fuck is going through my head and what I am experiencing?
So before he left, I made it my business to tell him the messages I was receiving and I made sure that my messages were from the Divine and not my pussy, ego, head or a demon!
I have been getting messages about him for a very long time.... very very long time and I see some of the stuff that the messages are saying play out with him in my REAL LIFE!
With regards to the "message" that he receive about creating a community and in this community, he would have more than one mate, but I would be the number 1....that shit sounds like some sister wife shit. Fam, because I love this man with my soul, I actually tried to work my soul into being down with this idea of his "community", but my soul always rejected it and questioned him as to who gave him this message. Never got an answer!
So.....when he told me about the fact that he was open to having these sexual spiritual connections with other women, my soul rejected that shit too. How in the good FUCK can you know you are a twin flame, admit that you share something different and special with me and really think that it is ok to do some shit like that and claim to love me, be in love with me and damn near scream at me that we are going to be together. I keep bringing this shit up because these are the things that he said that are contradictory of his actions and his 'intent', as he always tells me!
Stop this shit L.
So, I told him, before he left, with fire in my energy, that he needs to watch his fucking back because he is involved in some CULT shit, he needs not to turn to others for guidance and answers anymore because he is opening himself up to lower vibrating energy that is making him think that he should share his sexual energy with others because he had a connection with them in the past. I told him that he needs to be more discerning with who he is around and who he shares himself with, that not all people have his best interest at heart and that because he is new to all that he is experiencing and his spiritual journey....he needs to sit with himself and perhaps do some research (reading books, meditation, self reflection, connecting with his Higher Self, guides and Ancestors, etc.). I even went so far as to tell him that he should not be fucking around, especially if he is on a spiritual path and claims to know who I am to him and want to do work with me and work on our mission.
Nothing I said made a difference because he was not at the point of being able to really take in the messages. So he went off on the fuckville trip (even told me the chicks name, smmfh)!
While he was on the trip the messages and visions that I had were so very hurtful. Fam.....have you ever been hurt by someone's actions... I mean hurt so bad that you actually had pains in your chest and body? This is what I experience when his actions do not coincide with his so called "intent". Let me explain.............he is always telling me that he does not "intend" to hurt me, but his actions are the complete opposite of what he "intends" do to! Does not make sense to me but then again, who I am?...(must be some fucking idiot for dealing with him)
So, I sat with every single thing that came to me......I sat in that deep shit........I cried and cried, I asked for help and clarity, I even asked that the telepathy between us be diminished so that I would not be hurt by the fact that he was doing low vibration things with other people.....and I mean LOW vibrationally root chakra sexual satisfaction type of things!
I saw the visions, I felt him having sex, but all the while I also heard and felt a part of him asking himself "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?"
I did my best to take back my power, I can't believe that I actually gave him some of my Sekhmet fire!
I completely disrespected who I am and all I believe in and for that.........I AM THE FUCKING DUMB ASS!
Now, we had the conversation about his going away on the morning of Monday, April 28th (and that was some disrespectful shit because he did not come to my house until after 1 which should have been another sign of his complete disrespect for me and my time, but L, we must also bare in mind that you welcomed him in your house (life and heart without condition.....5D!)
I do not know what day he left, but I got the messages that entire week. On the weekend of May 4th (my father's bday), I got some new messages about what his life would be like if he continued to follow his "messages". It was not good Fam. I saw him basically living as a bum, even though he had a job, he had all kinds of sexually transmitted diseases and demons and all. In my vision, he was fat, not eating right, not doing anything to grow in his life or on his spiritual journey......it was very sad.
Then I started to get angry...........and I got so angry that I went numb and in my numbness I found tranquil Divine peace. I sat in that peace, lay in that peace, allowed that peace to envelop me and when I finally surrendered, I received a phone call from him. I listened to the message and he said he knows I probably do not want to talk to him but he NEEDS to speak to me, so I called him back.
He tells me that he did mushrooms (on Saturday, May 4th) and got basically the same messages I have been telling him about sharing his energy, sharing himself and being more discerning. He admitted that he does not need to reconnect with those from his past because he does not know where they have been or what their intentions are. He admitted that he is giving his power away by turning to others to get the answers to his questions and that he should sit with himself to figure all of this shit out. Next thing he told me makes me roll my eyes and want to just really fuck him up.....Fam......he told me he receive a message that I am his EVE! That's right Fam.........take a breath, walk away and come back some other time........Yeah, I am his "Eve", like Eve from the Garden of Eden! Go figure!
If I am his Eve...you know what I am not even going to go there............
This is the fact of the matter Fam.........to this day....he still has not given me back the money......and all of this time...I mean all of this time since I started writing my previous blog........that I HAVE BEEN DISRESPECTING MYSELF AND THE GOD KNOW IS REAL!
This morning as I am getting ready for work, trying not to be upset because I text him last night asking him when he would be able to give me back the money for his ex-wife's parking tickets and he told me next week.......saying that he knows he owes me money and it was his intent to give it back to me a long time ago....there we go with the "intent" shit again, I start to get more Divine messages and guidance.
Well.......I intended to show him and make him feel the love that I have for him and I put action behind my intent which led to me actually doing things to show him and help him feel the love I have for him.....Now, on the other hand, his 'intent' led to me feeling like a fucking fool and being disrespectful to myself and God! (I am so pissed right now, he did not even ask me how I was doing when he replied to my text 3 hours after I text him! I just want my fucking money and I am really going to leave him alone!! I still love him and not ONCE did I put a condition on my love for him, but that does not mean I have to stick around to experience the pain associated with his 'intention' or acting on his 'messages'!)
So here is the message I received this morning:
"L.......you aspire to live in 4D and up, however, you are still living and dealing with those who live in 3d. No matter how much you would like to live in 4D and up, the fact of the matter is you are not there yet, but you are working on it. You raise your vibration and move into 4D and up when you meditate, do yoga, pray, chant, etc, you get the ding dong picture...but because 3D is so dense and you are physically in 3D, it is a challenge to remain in the higher vibrating energies and dimensions. It is a challenge but it can be done...you just have to be extremely discipline, dedicated and focused....you were there before and you can go higher this time around!
You have been behaving like you are dealing with your beloved in the 4D and beyond, but in all reality, he is still actively living in 3D while trying to figure out what is going on with his life. Not only that, but because he is so heavily invested in the 3D (as most men are, because 3D is materialistic) what is happening is you are dealing with his Ego more than his Higher Self. This is why his 'intent' does not match his actions, L, lol. Do you get it now?
If you want to deal with him......seek him out in the 4D and beyond, connect with his Higher Self and stop dealing with the 3D him......this way, you will no longer experience the "fuckery", lol!
We know you love and respect us, so ACT LIKE IT! Stop fucking around with him right now......stop fucking yourself around.......reconnect with us and his Higher Self and start to do your work. You are so concerned about what he is doing and how it makes you feel you completely forgot about WHO THE FUCK YOU ARE AND WHY YOU CAME HERE! YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO NEED YOU AND THE GIFTS YOU HAVE TO OFFER TO HELP EMPOWER THEM....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? STOP DISRESPECTING US AND YOURSELF!"
Family.....this message came in so strong and clear....even though there are curses, I completely overstand that my guides are not being mean to me, they are communicating with me in the way they know I will receive their message.
It was surreal......as I am talking to all of them admitting my complete participation in all of this that I call my life..........apologizing for not following their guidance from last year when they told me to leave him alone before he reached out to me in October '18 and now for the disrespect I have been showing them and trying to blame him for being disrespectful.
Fam......let's get this straight..........yes, I do feel completely disrespected by him BUT.......I KNOW THAT ALL OF THIS WOULD NOT BE HAPPENING IF I WERE NOT DISREPECTFUL TO GOD, MY GUIDES, MY TEAM AND MYSELF! I rant and rave, but in all actuality.......all of this is on me because I do not follow the Divine guidance I receive! (But all the while, he follows the guidance and messages he receives and you help him, lol)
This all boils down to the fact that I must "STOP DISRESPECTING GOD, MY GUIDES, MY TEAM AND MYSELF"........just because I have a Divine connection with my beloved does not mean I should love him so much that I disrespect (and allow him to disrespect) everything I know is true!
I wouldn't tolerate it from anyone else, why should I tolerate it from my beloved? Food for thought!
