Since last month, no, the beginning of the year....I have not really been feeling this year.......this life.......this whole thing!
October 10, 2018..........on that faithful day my Divine Counterpart/Divine Twin Flame/Divine Beloved/Divine Compliment......damnation you get the point.......text me to see if we could chat. In my head, my mental conversation went like this..."Shyytttttt.........you done come too far L.....don't talk to him. It is ok, life is not going to end if you don't reply to his text! You don't want to talk to him anyway, especially if he is not going to tell you that he is divorcing his wife and wants to get serious about doing spiritual work with you!"
For years..............I allowed myself, my actions, my thoughts.......ME to be controlled by my fears. My fears of losing him, not being attractive to him, not communicating with him....the fears surrounding him goes on and on and on. It was not until I spoke with someone and they said to me, "L, haven't you already lived out your worst fear regarding him? What else could you possibly be afraid of?", that is dawned on me. My worst fear surrounding him was that he would leave me and live his life with someone else and that is exactly what he did. If I lived through that.....I can find the strength not to reply! I already survived my worst nightmare!!!
Yes, feeling strong and stepping into my power even more, I called replied to his text and we ended up seeing each other that same day, lol.
Well, our conversation was freaking shocking..........and left me lost for words, shaking and literally living in the twilight zone!
Not only did he tell me he was getting divorced, but he told me that this breakdown in his life is moving him closer to his spiritual path! Our conversation lasted for damn near 3 hours.........OMG.....
Now.....let's get this straight.........the fact that his marriage is over is a double edged sword. On one end, the pain associated with a divorce breaks my heart....on the other hand, he realizes that this happened so he can start to actively walk his spiritual path. On the third hand (the part of the sword that you can hold, the part that people do not realize has a secret knife that can stick out at any unknown time and cut you), now he is open to the remembrance that we are Divinely twinned and it is time for him to re-member and start this work with me (sidebar: the third hand is my ego...chest puffed strutting my shyt!, lol)! I do not like when he feels pains......but this is so "ironic"!
Let's get into my mind now so you can get a small pic of how I process information and my experiences: When he broke up with me I was crushed! I questioned every single thing about myself......my worth, my looks, my ability to be loved, I even questioned my life and wondered if I was being punished. I could not understand why he would not want to continue our relationship, why he did not want to grow with me. For years I was working through this, working on myself to get a better overstanding of me and my purpose. What you probably don't know is that I am still healing this wound.......but know the healing process is welcomed!
The irony in this situation is: Drum roll please!!!! I get the feeling that he is feeling what I felt when he broke up with me. I get the feeling that he is questioning himself the same way I questioned myself. All of the energy I moved through...he is now moving through. The twist in this situation is: Drum roll again please!!!!! I had to work through it by myself.......he can lean on me when he needs to.
Being present for him during his time of need IN THIS SITUATION is one of the hardest things I have ever done in my entire life!
Why? Because even though I love him to pieces and back..........it hurts me to help him work through the pain associated with the dissolution of his karmic relationship because (I feel like the) pain could have been avoided IF he would have been still enough to hear his soul speaking to him (if that is what really happened) and plus.........he wasn't there to help me through my pain! (Ego Talk, so don't judge me. I am being completely open and honest.....which is part of the healing and growth process!)
The flip side of that is: No matter how hurt I am, how I blame him (or others) for my pains.......I could never abandon him in his time of need.....even when it hurts me to be of support! What in the hell does this have to do with me not feeling this year? Since his big life change, I have been experience more "clair" ability activities. See....the work, experiences, feelings, thoughts, etc that one twin has/done......can be felt by the other twin as well. "Can be" are the operative words because we all have the ability to connect with our twins on this and many other levels, but we do not all work on it or are open to it. I actively work on developing my clair abilities and my connection with my Beloved is effected by my work. With more "clair" activities going on with me comes more visions, messages, knowings, feelings, etc.! Add that to this phase in my "Divine Twin Flame" journey........I thought the "separation" phase was challenging......This #$#$^@#$% here is like walking into a 12,042,353,434 alarm fire with no protective gear except for your faith, gratitude and love for God!
Don't be mistaken........I am honored, grateful and thankful for my gifts/abilities, however, when my gifts provide information about my Beloved, at times it can be extremely emotional for me to process what comes through! Being that I am Pisces Sun/Aquarius Moon.........I process with my thoughts and feelings which can be very emotionally confusing at times, lol. It was one thing when he and I were in the "separation" phase....those messages (feelings, thoughts, visions, etc.) were worked out without communicating with him every day or seeing him often. NOW.....
In my Piscean fantasy world, I knew we would get to this part of our journey, however, I fantasied that it would be nothing but suga and spice, lolol. Well, let me tell you, the work never ends, it does not get easier, but it is more rewarding and fulfilling. You will be able to see and feel your healing and growth and an added bonus is that you do it with your Beloveds active support and love!
Today, this morning, I got visions of my worst nightmare coming to pass AGAIN regarding my Beloved! Setting the record straight....what is happening between he and I can't be put into words. We are not in a relationship...we are not dating.....he is not my man....there is no label we put on each other...no restraints or limitations placed on each other. So, when I see these fear based visions, I have to remind myself that they are fear based and NOTHING will or can separate us! We are forever Divinely connected, Kissed, Blessed, Lifted High by the Divine!
As I work through this.........work through these fear based energies while still in the process of healing from past pains, I tell myself that the fear based visions I have are not real and do not have to manifest, if I do not want them to. I remind myself that that which I give my attention to and emotions to will manifest in my life. I work towards aligning myself with faith, trust and gratitude for all I experience regarding him and this journey....and then.....he calls me! (Sidebar: Yesterday I sent him the following text: "Divine Beloved Reflection... please forgive me for all of the hurt, pain, torture or any other thing that is not in alignment with the Divine, that I have ever cause you, done to you or wished upon you... in this life, past lives or any multi-dimensional lives we lived! I ask Archangel Michael, his legions of Angels, the Archangelic Sacred Circle of Protection and all Divine Illuminated Violet Flame Beings to transform and transmute any and all lower vibrating actions, thoughts and deeds that I have done to cause you pain in any way into Divine love and light.... I ask that this prayer reached your past lives, this life and future lives and all multidimensional lives......Please surround us in the blazing Violet Flame and help us raise our vibrations so we are beacons of Love and Light for the Galaxy to find its way! We are beings of Violet Fire...we are the purity God desires!") He explains that at times he is unable to immediately reply to my texts because he feels them at a very profound deep level and he apologizes as well for all the pain he may have caused me.
I wasn't looking for a reply.......I just wanted him to know that I pray for out healing and forgiveness for each other.....but the fact that he replied.........and how he replied...
1: Just because you have a vision that makes you feel other than happy, does not mean that you have to hold onto it and help it come true! You have the power and authority to change anything in your world and life!
2: Sometimes the emotions, visions, thoughts we have that bring us down, are indicators of what we need to actively work on healing.
3: When you work on yourself, your Divine Beloved Twin also feels and benefits (or suffers) from the work you do (or don't do), even if you don't see or feel it!
4: Not having expectations opens you up to Divine experiences!
5: Your Divine Beloved's soul is always speaking to them and you. Don't focus on the outside appearances or what you think is happening. Have unwavering faith and trust in the God, your Divine connection and the journey....after all....you are your Divine Twin Flame!
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